The Art of Saying "No"

IMG_0746.JPG

“No.”  How many times have you been asked a question, and simply said, “no” without an explanation.  I’m going to take a risk here and say it’s been zero.  Okay, maybe less than five.

As women, we’re taught that when we don’t want to, we should be apologetic for not being able to, or for not wanting to do something.  Men, well, they get a free pass to just give a perfunct “no” to most things.  It’s silly.  If a man tells us that we’re emotional creatures, we get upset, but the reality is, we are.  We give a reason for not doing things ALL THE TIME.  Don’t even try to deny it!  I know you, sister!  It’s ALMOST as bad as the dreaded “I’m sorry.” that women throw out all the damn time in the view of being polite or politically correct.  Listen to me, if someone steps on your foot, please stop being sorry.  If you have a differing opinion, own it, and DO NOT BE SORRY.  That’s going to be the end of that chat. Take it to heart, because I’ve said it enough to the women in my life, that I am simply out of evens.

Now, back to “no”.  You want to be heard?  You want someone to believe you when you say “no” to anything from an invitation to an advance?  Own your “no”.  Do NOT wiffle-waffle.  You don’t have to give a reason for saying no.  You don’t have to make an excuse.  You do. not. have. to.

Being strong does not always have to do with being able to withstand emotional or physical pain.  Oftentimes it’s about enabling yourself to create boundaries unapologetically.  We are such a polite culture, but is it really polite to say yes to something you don’t really want to commit to?  Is it polite to be anything other than your authentic self?  No.  So, say it with me, “NO.”   

I learned this years ago when someone told me to own my time.  It’s my time, and frankly, I never have enough of it.  Over the years, I’ve gradually cut out things that I call “the lettuce” or filler in my life, because at the end of the day, there is no time for me to do things half way.  I’m not being rude by saying no.  I’m not doing it to hurt anyone, I’m doing it to save my sanity, and to be honest about what’s important to me- my husband, our children, and the people that I’m close to.  I refuse to be sorry for making time for things that matter, and -for the most part- saying NO without guilt or explanation for the things I cannot or do not want to do.  Once I made that choice, I genuinely felt a weight lift from my life, and I truly think you will too.

 

Check in this week for travel tips on visiting one of my favorite cities, Cordoba.  Also, in the spirit of graduation season, I’ll be sharing an interview with my friend, Courtney Abraham, Global Head of Talent Strategy and Development at the Adecco Group.

Welcome to Bow and Branch!

 

Almost two years ago, my family and I moved to Zurich, Switzerland from Atlanta, Georgia.  I was 32 weeks pregnant, moving pregnant and internationally for the second time.  Excitement ran through my veins, curiosity enveloped my brain, and hope for a great life in our new home consumed many of my thoughts.

I know, there are a lot of blogs out there about being an expat.  This is not one of those.  Sure, I’ll occasionally take you along for the ride of my expat adventures and experiences, but above all else, this site has been born out of a desire to share that the world is a truly amazing place, filled with good things and fantastic people doing great things.  I am the mother of three gorgeous girls, the wife of a global businessman, and the friend to people that live in and are from all pockets of the world.  I am also an avid traveler, lover of international food, and I have learned that the global perspective, the global lifestyle we lead is something that could start a conversation, connect people, and inspire new thoughts, ideas, and even skills.

Earlier on in this journey, I wrote a food blog for many years (if you’d like to take a trip down my memory lane, it’s still online here).  During the majority of that experience, I was a young, first-time mother who was moving every 6 months to 1 year.  I was intensely curious about cooking the food of each place we lived in the healthiest way possible for our little girl.  I immersed myself in the cultures and local cuisine of each place, taking as many cooking and baking courses as I could find.  Eventually however, after becoming pregnant with our second child, my passion started to move in a new direction.

One of our early moves was to Florence, Italy.  It was hands down the most influential move of my life.  It was also what made me slowly drift away from writing a food blog. For Italians, food is not something to be Instagrammed; it’s important for their culture, family, and sense of place.  I began thinking about things more broadly than before – my love for great food and fantastic restaurants was still there, but how could I incorporate it into something greater?

Living in a culture hub like Florence reignited my desire to chase after some of the dreams I’d been ignoring for fear of failure.  I dreamt of learning about art, interior design, antiquing, and wine and I was in the perfect place for it!  I went to so many markets, exhibitions, and pop up shops, learning about antiques and artisanal goods, and came to find (through a dear friend) that I have an eye for design and things that people want but aren’t sure how to access.  By the time we left Italy, I felt I’d finally found that what I loved were things I could do for a living when I was ready.

Now that our youngest is almost 2, I’m finally pulling the rip-cord and am chasing my dream - Bow and Branch.  I’m so excited for monthly features of business owners, artisans, and taste makers as well as frequent posts of my family’s adventures, fun finds, classes I’ve taken, and team building events I’ve hosted.  Stay tuned here for more, and also check out my Instagram and Pinterest for an extra helping of “the good stuff”!!

Appreciating the beauty and peacefulness of the Temple of Debod in Madrid.

Appreciating the beauty and peacefulness of the Temple of Debod in Madrid.